When in doubt, take it out

Those six words of wisdom were given to me by a friend of mine we'll call "Bob," because, well, that's his name.

It was at my 50th birthday celebration that the topic of "road safety" came up. Bob, being a 25 year veteran of delivering packages for one our national overnight delivery services, was describing the many near misses he had had making his appointed rounds each day.

In addition to always driving with one's headlights always on, Bob said that anytime a deer, squirrel or any other misguided varmint decided to cross the road and endanger your safe passage to destinations unknown, to not try and worry about what to do. He said that when that deer is looking you straight in the eyes wondering if it's going to live to see another meal, do not swerve, do not brake; when in doubt, take it out.

Now, the logic behind this is rock solid. Swerving to avoid Bambi, or Rocket J. Squirrel could get you or some other unsuspecting driver killed, or worse, stuck in a ditch with no hope of extraction, only to find the cute little critter you just avoided hitting, merrily traipsing it's way through the woods, giving you that, "Dude, you shoulda took me out," look.

Why I'm blogging about this is because yesterday while sitting in the hot tub with my wife  Katie, enjoying a stogie and a cold beer, memory of my birthday and Bob's famous advice popped into my head. Initially it made me chuckle, and the more I thought about it, it made me laugh.

For some reason, all I could think about was Robert Stack's character from the movie "Airplane," Rex Kramer. Kramer, a retired Air Force officer, was summoned to the airport to see if he could help talk down a plane piloted by a former member of his squad, Ted Stryker. The crew had fallen ill, and Stryker was pressed into service. Only problem was, Ted had post traumatic stress and wasn't sure he could land the plane.

On the way to the airport, a stern faced Kramer was speeding down the highway when he apparently came across a bicyclist. We don't know for sure at first as all we see is the determined Kramer and then the horrified face of his passenger. In rapid succession we hear a loud "THUNK!", and a split second later in the back window the visual of a bicyclist either having been run over, or flipped over the top of the car. His mangled body and bike still somewhat intact he manages to "flip off" the speeding Kramer and shout "fuck you asshole," while Kramer seemingly unaware drives away.

I find that scene extremely hilarious even after seeing the film a million times. Kramer, in his effort to help save dozens of innocent lives, did the only thing he could when that poor bastard on the bike got in his way, he took it out. No flinching, no thought of braking, or swerving, never a doubt, he took it out.

Good thing too. Kramer of course, made it to the airport and helped Stryker land the plane safely. Everyone lived to see another day, and appear in "Airplane II."

So just remember. Whether it be a trip to the store, the restaurant, or the bowling alley, let nothing stand in your way. When in doubt, take it out.